Backyard Critters

So tell me again why the great outdoors has so many critters, because it can't possibly be just for my entertainment. Other people must suffer too, right?

There's a spider who spins her meal catcher at our back door. We call her big ugly. Because she's big and ugly. I say she because the females are generally larger than the males, and this critter is about the size of a nickel.
Anyway, when I went to the grocery store last night, she had already started on her web. I know it takes a lot of calories to spin a web, so I was very careful in opening the back door. I didn't want to ruin an hour's worth of work. I did my shopping and came back home, but on the way through the back yard, I somehow got a slug in my sandal. Oh My Gods, it was so gross. It was a tiny slug, and my big toe had squished it. To reiterate: it was gross. Like freakishly disgusting.
And I still had a whole yard to walk through. And a monster spider to get past. And my toe was now sticking to my sandal, as if someone had put a piece of double-sided tape there.
So, making faces of disgust, I came in the front door with my arms full of groceries and let the menfolks know that they would be retrieving the rest of the food. Because I stepped on a slug and it's squishing in my sandal.
They both burst out laughing.
Yeah, frickin' hilarious. (actually, it was pretty funny in a how-much-can-the-universe-gross-you-out sort of way)

As of this morning, Big Ugly had not removed her web. I had to break her anchor thread and let the web lift on the breeze before L would leave the house.