Christians in Cowboy Hats
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I was knitting in the living room, when I saw a man in a straw cowboy hat walk past my front window. I thought he might be one of the contractors who are building houses across the street, so I went to the door.
I had been sitting for a while, and one of my arthritic knees wasn't working too well. So really, I limped to the door. Anyway... The guy with the hat was heading down the street, and there was a neat plastic packet of papers inviting me to a revival.

My first instinct when offered Christian invitations is to say, "Thank you, and please share this with someone else. I'm very happy with my church." But since the guy had left it on my door, I couldn't do that. I didn't want to put the plastic and heavy paper in the trash, and most of it didn't look recycleable. So I hobbled out the door, down the 16 steps in front of my home, and went after him.
Barefoot. Wearing (no kidding) A sage green t-shirt and bright red pajama pants covered with dancing Snoopy and Woodstock's.

No, I'm not colorblind. Those pants are *comfy*.

Anyway... The guy with the hat had a pair of young boys with him. They were also wearing straw cowboy hats. It was cute, in a 1950's kind of way.
They were walking pretty fast, and I was hobbling rather slowly; but I was determined to catch them. I almost did when The man and (I presume) his sons doubled back to give a packet to a family that was exiting one of the new homes on my side of the street.
To be precise, he looked at the family. He did a double take. He looked at his literature. And then he turned back and gave a packet to the (black -gasp!) woman with teenagers who was walking down the steps.

My thoughts ran in this order: Ooh! New neighbors! With teenagers, yay! Why did he do a double take? Maybe I can catch up to him without walking all the way down the damn block. Good god, the new neighbors are gonna see me in this tacky outfit! There's nowhere to hide now! I guess I'll say hi, and pretend I don't look like a colorblind orangutan (because of my orange hair). "Good morning!" (Warm smile... keep walking and just let them stare) Is he surprised to see black people? Or do they not have many non-white people in their church?

Anyway... He gave the packet to the family and hurried off to the next house. I finally caught up to him there. I handed him back the package he'd left on my door and said, "Thank you, but I don't need this. Maybe you can get someone else with it. I mean, it's expensive paper and all."

Which was not remotely what I'd meant to say. I really had intended to say something along the line of, "I don't need this, although I appreciate the invitation. I'd like you to pass it along to someone who truly needs the Word Of God."

See? I can be nice about it. I just wasn't as nice about it as I'd planned to be.

The next time I see my new neighbors, I'll have to explain that I do not, normally, go out in public like that. I do own rational looking clothes. They match and everything. Really.