I swiped this from that delightful, but rarely updated e-zine, Liveround:
MY LATEST PARANOIA (Vol. 2, February 1999)

Rev. Dr. C. Frank Lee, ULC, HHZBE, ROHHC, POEE, IGPS, ETC...

I was watching an infomercial for the "Protien Power Plan". A dietician came on and was talking about the research he had done. It seems he went to a government pig farm and took a look at what goes into the food they use to fatten pigs with. He found that the government-approved pig fattening food contains 14 percent protien, 63 percent carbohydrate and 23 percent fat. He then looked up the USDA recommended diet for humans and found the government recommends a diet consisting of 15 percent protien 60 percent carbohydrate and 25 percent fat. When he said that, it all became clear. The plot becomes even sicker. The USDA is fattening up the people just like they fatten pigs for slaughter.

It was during the Reagan administration that the USDA suddenly decided proper heath required more carbs and less protien. The Republicans are controlled by (if not entirely made up of) aliens. They want to collapse the world economy to usher in the New World Order. Also, by shutting down the power grid all the internet and the food supply, people will panic and fill the streets making them easier to harvest for food for the aliens. The New World order and Bavarian Illuminati are all apart of the alien menace and must be stopped! Arm yourselves will high powered weapons and shield your house with a plasma field lest you become food for the aliens.